I think if there is a heaven, it’s very simple. God just lets people in that he likes.
I haven’t been doing my homework today. 8 is away w/ her mom and her other mom shopping and doing whatever girls do. I think that’s shopping, shopping, and eating. But what do I know? Anyway, I wrote this little story, I think I’ll “publish” it now. 🙂 I thought of it while I was drawing my dungeon in physics.
It’ll make you lighter. It’s just what you’ve always wanted. No work is needed. No crazy exercise equipment, no unpleasant diets, or potentially dangerous pills. Mr. Hooper’s methods will make you lighter based on the solid facts of physics, the most fundamental of sciences. Not only that, it works on everyone. If you know someone you’d like to see lose weight, you can send us a donation and I can do it. Any amount of weight loss is possible, if we receive enough donations. Just call our number at 1-800-FAT-LESS. That’s 1-800-328-5377.
I’m so sick of that commercial. How is he making money still. He doesn’t even offer a product or service. How long has the commercial been playing? Seems like forever.
Yeah, but people in general do seem to be losing weight.
Man, that’s just fuzzy statistics done with a slanted view because of that commercial. Even if it’s not it’s probably placebo effect. People are expecting to be lighter so they are.
Regardless, that commercial is annoying.
Heh.
Ms. McBeel, you at one time were accused of being too thin, but now you are looking great and still keeping the weight off. How are you doing it?
Mr. Hooper is making it possible. I donated a sizable amount to his fund, and now I can eat more, exercise less, I have a more full figure, but I still am at my weight goal. Everyone is happy!
Mr. President please, you must look at our data. Mr. Hooper is not making people loose weight. Losing weight is a decrease in body mass which is reflected as a decrease in weight. Mr. Hooper is speeding up the rotation of the earth, thus increasing the acceleration of every object on earth into space, thus decreasing the net effect of gravity, thus decreasing his ““customers'”” weight. This is having profound effects on the ecosystem. Weather patterns are erratic. Tide‚s are shifting. Millions of species throughout the globe are threatened. If he is allowed to continue, there is no exaggeration of the potential destruction.
You science boys are always babbling on about your data and theories. I never did work well with science, I work in the real world, with facts. The fact is I’ve lost five pounds since I donated to Mr. Hooper, and more importantly since I publicly endorsed his services as legal and safe, my popularity in the polls has improved 9%. Your doomsday theories don’t hold any water with me. Besides, what harm is he doing?
But sir, we just explained the harm…
The famous secret laboratories of Mr. Hooper were attacked tonight, the scene behind you, showing the devastating success. The buildings are nearly all rubble. Already incidents of weight gain have been reported. One man was found at the scene and shot dead by security guards. The police say the he was caught setting off an incendiary device. He has been identified as Mr. Joshua Hawkings, son of the Nobel Prize winning physicist, Stephen Hawkings, and leader of PoH, Physicists opposing Hooper. The group has long been very vocal in their opinion that Mr. Hooper and his service are dangerous and harmful to the environment. Mr. Hooper has not been reached for comment, but a re-building fund has been set up, and has been sanctioned and supported by the Bosh administration.
With all the money from the relief fund I will finally be able to achieve optimal velocity. No more 5 minute falls. I will be perpetually weightless, the way I am in my dreams.
I’m standing outside the brand new Hooper Lab Headquarters, where they are about to initiate the start up sequence of their newest weight loss machine. The details of the device are still secret, but Mr. Hooper claims with this machine we will see even more dramatic effects than we have been. Cutting the ribbon are President Bosh and Ms. McBeel.
As the Earth’s rotation increased, the atmosphere, then insect, small mammals and birds, and eventually people, animals, houses, the oceans, and all life on earth simply drifted into space.